Life goes on.

HI EVERYONE

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Discomposure.

I’ve been trying to avoid talking about this for as long as possible but I don’t think I’m capable of evading the topic anymore. 

Some of you are aware of the fact that my initial plans were to move to California and enlist in part-time college while doing an internship program. For that reason I’ve only applied to select, small colleges within California, namely the ones I’ve been flooded with emails with.

That was the plan… or so I thought.

The last few weeks have been filled with extreme frustration and confusion for me. My dad has already left his old job to pursue this new opportunity which was the whole reason why the internship idea materialized, however it seems that recent complications have caused the situation to dissolve into mere speculation. It feels as if I’ve been mislead for the past school year through miscommunication between me and my parents, which has actually been an issue for as long as I can remember. This time, however, the lapse in disclosure has left me the most discomposed I’ve ever felt. I don’t even know what’s going on in my family, all I know is that some impulsive factor has left it conflicted and separated. 

For those of you that have persistently asked me where I’m going to college, chances are I’ve told you that I don’t know. Call me indifferent, apathetic, whatever you want, but that’s the best answer you’re going to get from me at this point. Because honestly, I really don’t know. I don’t know why you’d think that I’m just simply keeping where I’m going a secret, that’s just rather ignorant and narrow-minded of you. It also belittles me whenever people don’t back down and insist on asking, so I thank those that respect my answer in its ambiguous nature. My mind just enters a state of confusion and dreariness whenever I hear the question, and it just reminds me of the shit situation that I’m currently entangled in. 

I think I’ve been doing a decent job of keeping my spirits up at school. I’m sorry if I look depressed or really sad at some point, but I haven’t been able to focus very well and I find myself constantly thinking about all the problems that have me binded down, resulting in my mind going off in random tangents of thought. I don’t possess the inner capacity to deal with such an overwhelming amount of stress in such a short amount of time, and trying to disguise it has left me exhausted and mentally distraught. Isolation from society is one thing, but from your family it leaves you internally conflicted and constantly questioning yourself. Thankfully I’m surrounded by the most amazing and high-spirited people at school, and hanging around with them always reminds me of the reasons why I should smile and laugh, and why I’m capable of enduring through the day. Those carefree moments of simple laughter are what provide me with the diversion I need. 

It pains me that everyone will be parting ways in less than a month. It feels as if everyone has just recently mended new friendships and fixed broken ones, and to think that they’re being separated seems unfair. Change is what everybody fears the most, yet what people fail to realize is that it can be a blessing. And yet, while everyone’s excitement for college fills me with regret and feelings of nonfulfillment, it also provides motivation and excitement to see everybody expand their horizons and pursue their goals. You’re all amazing. Embrace it.

Miyazaki.

List of potential movies to watch by the amazing Hayao Miyazaki.

• Castle in the Sky
• Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
• Kiki’s Delivery Service
• Princess Mononoke
• Spirited Away
• Howl’s Moving Castle

A movie marathon is inevitable. 

Though not directed by Miyazaki, I think we should also watch Grave of the Fireflies. The movie was actually a financial failure due to it’s elegiac nature, but I think everyone should see it at least once. Sorry Grace!

Hurray.

I love Austin!

FIRST POST!

Kevin is a noob.